My Grief Journey

Zayla on Jasper's crate mat

I can tell I’m healing.

I have started talking about Jasper without immediately tearing up. I have even been able to laugh a little and share memories. It’s definitely progress. It is still hard to look at certain photos, especially the ones from the last few months, but they do not completely undo me the way they did at first.

Grief is such a strange creature. One day feels steady and manageable. The next day, something completely unrelated triggers a memory and the grief comes flooding back in. A sound. A quiet moment. A random thought. It does not ask permission. It simply arrives.

The Physical Side of Grief

I have been working hard to regulate my sleep again. For a while, my body was still listening for him. Still alert. Still expecting to hear his toenails. That constant awareness takes a toll.

Sleep is slowly returning to normal. My energy levels are starting to increase. I am not as physically drained as I was in those first weeks. I am still surprised at how deeply grief affects the body.

As I’ve stated in a previous blog, healing is not only emotional, it is physical too.

Surrounding Myself With Support

I have been intentional about surrounding myself with people who understand what I am feeling. That has made a difference. Being around people who do not minimize the loss, who say his name, and who acknowledge that he was family truly matters.

Writing here helps as well. Putting words to what I am experiencing feels like a release. It helps organize the thoughts that feel scattered in my mind.

I have also sought out techniques to help me work through the grief and trauma in healthier ways. I do not want to bury it. I want to process it.

The other animals are getting incredibly spoiled as each time we say goodbye we are reminded how short their time is with us. They are also healing. They are becoming more active and adjusting to Jasper's absence. They are still seeking affection more than normal and we're happy to give it to them. Zayla still misses him terribly and as a stress response, has been chewing on herself. Thankfully that's slowed down a bit.

Honoring Him

I am working on a pet memorial page on the website to honor ALL of the pets all of us have lost. They deserve a space to be remembered properly. They were family. They were chapters of our lives.

Part of this is me trying to handle Jasper’s death differently than I handled Neenah’s. There was barely time to say goodbye to Neenah. That loss felt rushed and unresolved. This situation, painful as it is, has been different. I had time. I was present. I was able to say goodbye for weeks, not minutes.

There is comfort in that.

It is time to purchase his headstone. It is time to print pictures to hang around the house. Instead of avoiding his presence, I want to integrate it. I do not want him erased from our daily life. I want reminders that he was here.

What Healing Looks Like Right Now

Healing does not mean the grief is gone.

It means I can carry it without it crushing me.

It means I can remember him and sometimes smile before I cry.

Sleep is returning.

Energy is returning.

Laughter is returning.

And love is still very much here.

I hope this short series has been beneficial to someone that may be experiencing a loss of their own.